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Have you ever been somewhere when you see a child misbehaving?  Isn’t the look on the panic stricken Mother or Father’s face priceless?  You can easily tell when the parent is flustered, by the beads of sweat emanating from the brow of this person who is quite obviously overheating and sweating buckets, trying to get that child to pipe down.

Well, I’ve seen it many times before, and in the beginning they start off by saying something calmly like, “Now Tommy, you behave yourself and act like a big boy.” Then, when that doesn’t seem to be working they decide to say something like, “Now Tommy, Mommy has told you several times now, but you don’t seem to want to quiet down. Now you need to calm down, deep breathe, and count to 10. Then things will be better.” At which point the child refuses to succumb to their Mother’s pleas at keeping the peace, and the child begins shouting at a mind-numbing octave louder!

At this point, everybody in the near vicinity of 10 miles or so, hears this child screaming at the top of their lungs, meanwhile the Mother’s face is turning bright red with embarrassment.   The Mother is now not only frustrated and embarrassed, but her temper is beginning to steadily climb.  “Now Tommy,” she says with a stern look in her eye, “I told you that you can’t have that, and you’re going to just have to deal with it.” As soon as the words left her mouth I cringed knowing full well that there was going to be hell to pay for her little comment.

He then became even louder causing my ears to ring, violently thrashing and clawing at her, kicking and punching her and before anyone could get in two words edgewise, and it seemed like the sound was unbearable,  “Stop Shouting!” she shouted.

The child just sat and stared at her with his mouth wide open and he didn’t utter a peep.  She then looked him straight in the eyes bowed down her head and  spoke something to him in hushed tone, that was inaudible to everyone else.  He sat there behaving himself the rest of the time, until they got from the register at the store to their car, and I’m guessing he probably didn’t say a peep the entire way home.

But, the inquisitive part of me wondered, whatever did she say to him to make him pipe down?  Did she threaten him?  Did she come around to his way of thinking and purchase whatever it was that he was having a tantrum over?  I wonder…

All  I know is, as a child the thing that affected me most, was when something was taken away from me for misbehaving.  Shouting, spanking, threatening, or anything else you could think of, never worked for me.  But when my Mom said, “You behave yourself, or I’ll find something you really love and take it from you, until I’ve decided  that you’re sorry enough for what you did.” That was enough to make me walk in a straight line from there on out. And If I ever forgot about what she could do to me, and took my chances by misbehaving, she was right there to remind me of just what my punishment would be.

“Oh no Mom, anything but that!”

When I was a child, my Mother had a dear friend who weighed over 600 pounds.  This woman was the kindest, gentlest, most captivating person I’d ever met.  She was always preoccupied with pleasing others, by cooking big, tasty comfort foods and watching her close friends’ reactions, while they devoured the delectables with delight. She was a truly bubbly and joyful character, all around.

She was known for her collection of blown glass bears.  I still remember her glass figurines taking up her entire fireplace mantel and a mirrored glass case to the side of the fireplace, that was well lit with pride as her figures stood on display. Every aspect of her character would make you believe that this woman had everything going for her, but when you really got to know her, you’d know what she keeps a secret from almost everyone.

She’d been rejected endlessly by many suitors, over and over in her life, due to her morbid obesity.  She’d been single for years, she had never had a real relationship.   Because they were all too preoccupied with the exterior.  Anybody who would give her a chance could have gained in ways that they never imagined.  They could afford to absorb some of her taste for life, since it was emanating from her entire being like a ray of sunshine.

I remember asking her one day, why she was as big as she was (in my childish way).  Her response to me was, “God made me this way.  There’s nothing I haven’t tried to do to lose the weight, but it just keeps piling on.  Take some advice from me honey,  never treat anyone badly because of how big or little they are, how smart or dumb you think they are, or how pretty or ugly they are, just treat them like human beings, and don’t forget that they are someone who just really need someone to talk to.  Not just someone to always put them down and call them names.  Not someone to gawk at them, and make them feel like they’re a horrible disgusting monster.  Because underneath all of this (she said as she grabbed a roll of fat on her side), I’m still a human being.  I’m proud of the person that I am, and I can’t change myself for others. If I do anything to lose this weight, it’s gonna be for me. But, this is me, and I’m exactly the way God meant me to be.  Never forget that.”

Her words stuck with me all these years later, and I’ve tried my best to make friends of all kinds.  From different races, sizes, financial backgrounds, people with chronic health issues, you name it.  Because truly, we’re all the same underneath.  When we’re cut, we bleed.  When we’re hurt, we feel pain;  when someone belittles us, we get down;  when someone treats us kindly, we feel happiness; there’s no reason why we can’t be kinder or gentler to those around us, day in and day out.  Even a smile or a gentle nod to someone passing us in the street, may be enough to help them make it through whatever situation they’re going through.  And take advice from good ol’ Mama, “Treat others as you’d like to be treated.”

Have you ever met someone who was so consumed with themselves, that it made you want to puke?  Someone that  had to have the best outfit, the best shoes, the best purse, the best makeup, the best everything?  Did it ever make you wonder whether that person had some shortcomings and so obsessing on these issues gave their life some purpose?

It’s good to want to look good, but when it becomes an obsession and all they’re interested in is how they look to others vs. being interested in the content of their own character, I’d have to say, “WOAH DOGGIE!”  If a person is too obsessed with anything in their life, it totally takes over their character.  They no longer do things to enjoy them, because it brings them immense pleasure or helps out humanity in some way, they do things because they feel the pull that they have to do it.   In essence becoming neurotic.

So, for any of you out there that are all consumed with yourselves or being on your best behavior all the time (in front of others), without letting the crack in your porcelain shine through, grow up!  Listen, life isn’t all about you, and friends and family enjoy each other’s company with people who show compassion, character, kindness, love, etc.  Not, when they’re always dressed to the nine’s and preoccupied with, “Hmmm… I wonder how good I look?”.

Infertility is something that hits many couples around the world.  It’s not limited by wealth, creed, religion, or age.

Infertility, which is reported to affect as many as 1 in 6 couples, is defined as the inability to conceive a child after one year of trying.  Infertility can be caused by many factors. One-third of the time the problem lies with the male, one-third of the time it lies with the female, and one-third of the time infertility is caused by problems with both the male and the female.

I have friends who have dealt with the infertility battle.  So from my own personal experiences, of watching their day to day struggle with it, I have been witness to the devastation it causes.  The endless testing, temping, checking for ovulation, etc. Nonetheless, after having tried for years without having a child, they eventually conceived, and surprisingly, many of them did it on their own.  But, during those long drawn out years, the couples often felt down on themselves, their partner or both, thinking something was horribly wrong with them, when they weren’t conceiving. It even has become an obsession with one or both partners, and I’ve seen it tear apart really good relationships because of the endless battle with disappointment and being some what up against the wall, most of the time.  People can tend to pull away from others, keep to themselves, not seem as joyful, fall into depression, etc.

Infertility has become so common nowadays, that people should expect to know other couples who have been struggling with infertility issues.  But a great way to try to deal with the disapointments as well as the ups and downs, is to join a support group.  Back ten to fifteen years ago people wouls sit around and air out all their dirty laundry, and that tended to keep some people who were some what more private away.  But, now that the internet is so readily available, there is no reason why someone dealing with this issue shouldn’t seek out an online support group where they could air out their feelings, anonymously.

There are going to be people who will eventually get pregnant by using  fertility drugs, some will use holistic methods such as acupuncture and supplements, while yet others have tried everything under the sun and finally had to resort to costly IVF (invitro fertilization) treatments.
I know a few people who have tried to conceive for over 10 years, before actually getting pregnant and then giving birth to a healthy baby.  These people lovingly and carefully seem to hover all over their children, understandably so.  But, with many couples, by the time they finally have that long awaited child, they are content with the fact that this child will most likely end up being their one and only.  They may tell themselves that they’re not mentally, emotionally, physically or financially ready to try to conceive for another 10 years. But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Day in and day out, there are new discoveries in the medical world to do with infertility. There are more and more options out there for those who are trying to conceive. All the trials and testing of different medications, as well as doctor’s office visits can be pretty pricey, so people who are considering it, really need to think of the financial aspect of it all, before attempting the treatment options. But, honestly children require a lot of money either way.  Whether they are conceived naturally,  foster or adopt, use fertility treatments or whether a surrogate is used.

Most importantly, we must be kind and understanding with those around us who are going though this struggle. Making hurtful comments to them is something that will cut them to the core, when they’re at their most vulnerable.  Trying to keep positive and not dwelling on the things their lives lack, but instead focusing on all the things that they do have.

A friend of mine, who was a new Mother and had been trying to conceive for years, once told me, “The only good thing that I know about infertility,  is that waiting for years and years for this baby to arrive, made me want to be all the more caring as a parent.  I will be extra loving, patient, joyful and I wake up every day feeling extremely grateful  for this blessing in my life.”

I couldn’t have put it better, myself.

Honestly, I have many friends, but only a few that I hold near and dear to my heart.  Those close friends are in the “BEST FRIENDS” category, but I have to tell you that I know a lot about them and they know a lot about me as well.  That’s what puts us in the best friends category.  To many, that in turn can be seen as a weakness by many, but for me, in order to truly know me, you must really know all the details about me.

Once, I had a dear friend whom I’d gotten to know through a family member.  We soon became very close friends, I’d consider us in the Best Friend category. We would get together every weekend, in fact I’d drive over an hour to get to her. Go out to eat dinner, watch a movie, and sit and talk for hours. It was the highlight of my single days.  I was finishing up my Culinary degree as well as working in the field, so when we got together it was really a joy to be able to speak with someone who understood me so well.

We were both single, at the time, and both discussed our hopes and dreams that were very much the same.  Soon  I’d found a man whom I knew was “THE ONE” for me, and we started a relationship. Over this time, I tried my best not to neglect her or make her feel badly because I had a man and she didn’t.  I still kept up phone calls, e-mails, etc.

But, once my relationship with this man grew more serious, she completely stopped contacting me or responding to me, for that matter.  She heard that I’d gotten engaged and pretty much stayed away. I tried to contact her several times and to no avail.  Soon our relationship kind of dissolved, as my love life advanced.  I later got married to my husband (out of state), with still no response from her at all, no congrats, no letters, no e-mails or anything.

I decided to send e-cards to see if she was opening them. I used a company that notifies the sender when the e-card has been opened.  It was opened everytime, but still no responce.  I was in shock.  I finally e-mailed her and confronted her about it.  She said that basically she didn’t want to bother me and my new love, and blah blah. It was total garbage!

I knew that she was unable to hack the fact that I’d hooked up with someone, gotten engaged to them, married them and here she was years older than me, without someone to love, and without being happy.  Honestly, I was so very hurt  (this is over 5 years later), and I’m still affected and unhappy about the negative turn of events.  I wished that she could have been happy for me, and wished me the best, we could have continued to be friends and she could have been around for the birth of my son, and so on.  But, she never really gave me the chance.

Part of me wonders if I did something wrong to offend her or hurt her, but on the whole, I know I was a good friend and I shouldn’t have been treated the way I was treated.  And I guess her “BEST FRIEND” status was given away all too easily, because she was never a best friend after all.

The moral of the story is, live your life the right way, treat people as you wish to be treated, and if some unfortunate ugliness rears its head, don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re made of a good moral fiber and you did your very best. If that other person isn’t able to deal with it and causes a big “hub-bub” about it, that really isn’t YOUR problem, it’s theirs. Let them sit back seething in their seats as they watch your life progress while they’re still sitting there, unhappy and bitter that “luck” didn’t swing their way.

Just know even though there  are buckets of  “posers” out there, there’s got to be a handful of people who are true, loving, caring, and willing to be good friends to you, no matter what the situation.